This article has been written by Cressida Arora pursuing a Remote freelancing and profile building program from Skill Arbitrage.

This article has been edited and published by Shashwat Kaushik.

What is a blended family

A blended family or stepfamily, is a unit where two adults live with children they have had together or from their previous relationships. Unlike nuclear families, forming a blended family may be a challenging experience. For a couple, getting into a new relationship is exciting; however, kids may resist the change. Children may find this change uncertain, as living with step-parents and siblings may not be a pleasant experience. Blended families are increasing, which means that conventional family structure is a thing of the past. It is estimated that over 75% of divorced individuals remarry and 1 out of 3 Americans lives in a blended family in the US.

As the number is on the rise, understanding its challenges and how these can be tackled for its smooth functioning are discussed in this article.

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Why are blended families created

There are various reasons for the creation of blended families. They are:

  • Separation: Blended families are formed when parents are separated and the new partner lives with the children from previous relationships as mutually agreed and discussed.
  • Need for companionship: Sometimes one may decide to marry a partner who has children from previous relationships. Even parents may like to stay with their children after getting separated from their partners.
  • Parental rights: In scenarios where a biological parent is unable to take up the responsibilities of raising children, they can take the help of another parent to raise a family.
  • Adoption: Adoption and making adopted children a part of the family unit will create a blended family.
  • Expansion of family: Couples after remarriage may have children with their new partners. This will form a blended family where children from previous relationships stay together. Blended families are formed when parents are separated and the new partner lives with the children from previous relationships as mutually agreed and discussed.

What are the challenges of a blended family

There may be multiple challenges as we navigate through the complex dynamics of a blended family and those are:

Conflict

The major crisis a blended family faces is conflicting roles. The identities get tangled in a blended family set-up. The age difference and conflicting roles can add to the complexity. Children who were staying with their biological parents may suddenly feel a lack of parental attention. Conflict may arise due to different value systems, lifestyles, parenting styles, etc.

Disagreement

Disagreement amongst family members over rules and regulations is another challenge faced by a blended family. Children may push back against different parenting styles and family routines. New family structure and strained relationships between separated parents can make them crumble

Sibling rivalry

In this type of family set-up, sibling rivalry can turn bitter, especially when children are of the same age. This may arise as children are constantly looking for parental care and affection. Children feel that their siblings are getting more time with their parents, which is a common scenario in blended families due to shared custody. The competition among siblings can become more complex and intensify.

Identity crisis

Kids may not identify step-parents as parents and resist the change as they take on the new role. They may not be able to replace them with biological parents. Many times, kids feel abandoned, as if they don’t fit into the new family. Children may feel they are not getting enough attention as the number of children increases

Giving equal attention

Because of its complex structure and size, it may not be possible for parents to give equal attention to all their children. Moreover, children may not like sharing biological parents with step-siblings. This may lead to aggression, depression and increased tension in the household.

Financial Issues

A Blended family can encounter financial problems as the family begins to live with children and step-children. With step-children and assets from previous marriages, it is important to strike a balance between protecting the interests of the current spouse and the inheritance of the children from earlier marriages. A large household has many expenses in the form of house rent, other bills, school fees, etc. Apart from this, divorce proceedings and legal issues can add to family expenses and parents have to work hard to meet both ends.

Problem with communication

It may not be a cakewalk to deal with communication issues in a blended family. There may be gaps in communication due to rivalry, conflict, etc. If these issues are not addressed early on in a blended family, it may lead to misunderstanding.

Adjusting to new roles

It may not be smooth for the new parents to get used to the new role. Initially, it involves understanding the family dynamics before taking on parental responsibilities. A blended family setup is complex and unique.

While children may constantly look for validation and acceptance, parents may have different views on various matters. Blended families need to adapt to new communication and problem-solving skills

Difference of opinion

Everyone in a blended family needs to have common ground. Everyone in a blended family needs to have common ground. Communication is the key and parents can sit down to discuss the plan to keep a united front. Setting boundaries and making adjustments can help build a harmonious relationship.

Parenting is like teamwork and can be worked on by agreeing on a common goal and approach. They should allow settling time for the children while coming together to live as a family unit.

Unrealistic expectation

Setting unrealistic expectations can help a blended family crumble. After getting married, couples expect their family to function like a traditional big family. They expect their partners to accept step-kids and vice versa. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and stress. The functioning of a blended family is different from that of a nuclear family. Accepting reality and building a strategy for its smooth functioning can help a blended family thrive.

What are the strategies to deal with these challenges

If steps are taken to resolve the challenges faced by a blended family, it can function as a cohesive unit, and balance can be restored.

Open and clear communication

Open communication is crucial to the successful functioning of a blended family. Communication should be respectful, devoid of any spiteful remarks and harsh comments. Each member of the family should have the freedom to express their views and concerns openly. Clear and open communication can help build trust and lead to fewer misunderstandings between parents and stepchildren. Poor communication may lead to uncertainty; therefore, it’s important to talk as much as possible

Having compassion for everyone

Parents need to see the situation from the point of view of their children. Every family member will have different needs and capability to accept a new situation. In a blended set-up, every member of the family is at a different stage of life and has different needs. So, Parents should take great care and accept differences when children are trying to adopt.

Make a plan

Parents should come up with a plan for the overall development of the children as the family merges. The plan should address the responsibilities of the children and the role of parents in their growth and development. Planning is also needed for managing financial matters and legal disputes, if any.

Understanding differences

Acknowledging the different backgrounds and influences of the past can affect the emotions of children. It will take time to chalk out a plan for how a blended family can handle communication, discipline, bonding and other important matters that may arise. Hence, understanding the basics of a blended family is essential for ensuring that it can embrace the strength and work on the differences

Discipline matters

One of the major challenges a blended family faces is maintaining effective discipline. If parents are inconsistent, then kids become insecure and confused. Disagreements often confuse children and they tend to manipulate and pit parents against each other. Partners must communicate about the style of discipline and rules that existed before. It is important to make a note of the basic rules and values that partners want to impart to the children. For example- rules regarding allowed screening, bedtime, honesty, taking responsibility, etc. The rules should be the same for everyone and children should know the consequences of breaking the rules.

No favouritism

In a step-family, there may be differences in the way biological children and step-children are treated. At times, some kids are more obedient than others for parents to favour. To be fair, parents often support their stepchildren; however, in a blended family, parents should have a fair approach without any bias. Any type of favouritism can be destructive to the psychological development of children.

Conclusion

The structure of a blended family is unique with Its set of challenges. Therefore, focusing on building a strong bond will help everyone sail smoothly. There might be a lack of trust and misunderstanding Initially, but willingness to work together, communication and a solid plan can go a long way in creating a bond. It may be time-consuming but if the challenges are taken care of, stepfamily can be rewarding because of its unique structure and diverse perspectives to relate to.

References

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