In this blogpost, Inayat Dhanda, Advocate and a graduate from ILS Pune, writes a letter to her mother on the occasion of mother’s day.
Happy Mother’s Day.
I love you. And you know that.
As I start to write this, tears roll down my eyes and cheeks, already.
I firstly thank you for giving me birth.
For bearing the excruciating labour pain and giving me life.
For cleaning my shit and puke.
For loving me more than anything else in this world.
I have a dream. And I can’t do this without you, just like any of my other dreams.
You were my best friend during school days. I have shared every single detail with you. Everything. The studies. The gossip. The boys. The teachers. Everything I did.
What you said was bible to me. I have very diligently followed to each and every advise you gave. And I never needed a friend, because you were there.
Then all of a sudden I shifted base to an extremely modern city wherein I was under a cultural shock for an year.
I had never seen students kissing in college. Smoking openly or hurling abuses.
I was very scared. Like a cub. As I started to tell you this, you got scared too and wanted me to come back.
But I wanted to experience a new place and learn things on my own. I wanted to work hard and make a name for myself.
So I decided to stay.
I was naive. Once during my photography classes I saw two dogs doing something funny and clicked them. I was later stopped by a friend because they were actually having an intercourse.
I knew nothing at all.
Never dated anyone.Never stayed at a friends place for a night out. Never went out for a movies with friends.
While I was trying to adjust in a new place away from you, I also became extremely low on self esteem because of my weight. I saw how the cute looking men never gave me a second glance. Though,the ones I didn’t like , we’re all over me.
I was betrayed by my friends on several occasions. I was made fun of and ridiculed a number of times for various reasons.
College was a difficult time for me and I grew apart from you further and further.
I couldn’t share things with you. Unfortunately we belong to two different generations and I could not explain you well.
I never smoked, did hookah or any kind of drugs. Till date I’m proud of this.
But how could I tell you about my first kiss ? How could I tell you about the first time I touched a guy ?
I couldn’t. We live in a city and society where a girl is supposed to do to everything only after marriage. And yes I was convinced too.
But my first boy friend whom I thought I would marry, was a complete retard.
I cried for days after the break up.
Why did I kiss him? Why did I let him hug me ?
Funnily I dated him for an year and met him just once and thought that was love.
But a dream was shattered here. The dream to marry the first guy, you fall in love with.
I was ashamed of myself. But couldn’t tell you this. I failed as a daughter here.
I became busy with my never ending assignments and you with your work.
I started lying about going to parties and other small stuff because you’d say no to my request invariably.
I knew I was responsible for my own.
But this hiding and lying didn’t do any good.
Now when I realised all this and have grown a little wiser I want us to rekindle that old bond.
– I plead you,to not think about the society and accept me the way I am.
– I request you to allow me to live my life, the way i want to. I will make you proud of me. I promise.
– I beg you to stop worrying about what society says about my thoughts, likes and habits.
– I humbly request you to stop worrying about my marriage. I will marry, when I get “the one” . I want to experience a lot many things before that. I take responsibility for my life partner. I will look for him on my own. Relax.
– Please stop thinking about what your society says about me being so called “bindaas”. If living a happy life means “bindaas and characterless”, I don’t mind that tag.
– Having guy friends, going out on vacations with them or putting pictures with them on social media, doesn’t make me a slut. They are my friends who’ve been with me through every thick and thin when you weren’t here. I love them to bits and they are like my siblings.
Mom, all I want to tell you is that you’re the only person that means to me.
We don’t know for how long we’re alive.
Life changes in a moment.
I have nothing to do with people who bring others down, out of insecurity, jealousy and frustration.
They have no right in our lives.
We are our world. Let’s just end it there.
Let’s just love each other like maniacs.
Will you promise this ?